Float like Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee

On one side of the ring, standing 5 feet tall and weighing in at 100 lbs maybe, is my sister. So livid, she can hardly be detained. She’s feisty and has temper that gives true meaning to the quote “Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned.”  She’s ready to open a can of, “you know what,” and kick some, “you know what,” all over the place. On the other side of the ring, also standing only about five feet tall and weighing in at about 100 lbs is a friend of mine; well I guess now, an x-friend. She sits on her high horse with a smug little look on her face that only infuriates my sister even more. And I’m in the middle. Trying to figure out what went wrong. What did I do? How did we get here? Why am I losing a friend?  I’m trying to figure out, what to take to heart, and what to shrug off. I’m trying to figure out who to believe. Is my sister right? Am I completely innocent? Did I not deserve this? Or is my x-friend right?   Am I no longer worthy of being her friend? Do I need to change my ways? Should I change for her, and if I did change, would I still be being true to myself?  And finally, do I let my sister loose, and watch her beat the living crap out of the x-friend, or do I take my sister with me, and just turn around and walk away?

            It’s been a long semester and I’ve learned a lot, both in school, and in life. In my African studies class I learned about Africa and all its problems, poverty, disease, poor governance, and conflict to name a few. In life I learned, I’m a slave to the dollar, there are low times plagued by insecurities, and there is conflict. In child psychology I learned every complex aspect of the developing child, and the appropriate ways of handling every stage. In life while coaching a pool full of complex children, I learned that though the author knew a lot about children, she probably didn’t ever coach one, let alone thirty at the same time. In my Food Forever class I learned about sustainability and our “ecological footprint,” and in life I learned that recycling literally pays!  But in this class, two authors in particular, Kazuo Ishiguro, and Bessie Head taught me how to deal with the conflict and negative narratives of my own life, as well as how to be a responsible citizen of the floating world. These authors taught me that differences are a constant; Ishiguro taught me the importance of being introspective and open-minded, while being true to oneself, when dealing with differences. Bessie Head taught me the importance of true friends especially when creating your own frames, even if those frames are different from the frames of your friends.  The lessons I’ve learned from these authors have taught me how to be a responsible citizen of the floating world.

            Both Ishiguro and Bessie Head use their novels to point out that there will always be differences in the floating world. In Ishiguro’s novel the main character Masuji Ono must deal with the differences between the new generations and the old. He is finding he must defend decisions he’s made in the past, because of the new generations differing attitude about the war.  In Bessie Head’s novel her main character Elizabeth is frameless and differs from her society in almost every way. She is neither white enough to be considered white, nor black enough to be considered black. She is landless, has no place she can really call home, and never had a conventional family. On top of all that she loses her mind, and goes insane.  Differences seem to be an integral part of the floating world, as well as a common theme in everyday life.  Differences are both good and bad, and Ishiguro taught me that no matter what the difference good or bad, it’s how you handle these differences that’s important.

            Through his character Masuji Ono, Ishiguro taught me the importance of handling differences gracefully, even if that’s difficult at first. He taught me the importance of being introspective, open minded, as well as remaining true to oneself. First, he taught me the importance of being introspective. Throughout the novel Masuji is constantly bombarded with the realization that the new generation is not in favor of his patriotic art work, and he must contemplate, whether or not he should really regret his work or not. In the novel the “bridge of hesitation,” is symbolic of this contemplative state. It is at this bridge where travelers must stop, and hesitate, to contemplate where they are at and what they are going to do next. Secondly, Ishiguro uses his novel to convey the importance of being open minded yet true to yourself. In the novel, Ono struggles to see eye to eye with his son in law, who is very much against Japans decision to enter the war, and is becoming quite a fan of western society.  But in the face of a changing society, Ono is forced to keep an open mind. It is not easy for him but It the end he comes to his own conclusion that is well thought out, open minded, and true to himself. “All I can say is that at the time I acted in good faith. I believed in all sincerity I was achieving good for my fellow countrymen. But as you see I am not now afraid to admit I was mistaken.”(123-124). Ono realizes his decisions at the time may not have been the right ones. But he also realizes he did not have bad intentions either. The novel by Bessie Head has taught me some important things as well.

            In Bessie Heads novel, her main character Elizabeth is different from everyone around her. She has no real family, home, even society. This causes her to go insane and a pivotal part of her regaining her sanity is the support of other people. In this delicate time of Elizabeth’s life she was faced with pulling herself out of insanity, and redefining herself. She must figure out, “How to get over the hurdle of the present into the happiness of the future? (44).”  Elizabeth eventually does this with the unconditional support of her friend Tom. Tom is a peace corp. worker that helps Elizabeth regain her sanity by being there for her and supporting her unconditionally no matter what she was going through, even when she pushed him away. Tom would periodically eat at Elizabeth’s house in support.  He made a point to interact and spend time with her. “Alright, when I’m not busy I’ll come and eat at your house (122).”  Elizabeth has another friend that helps pull her out of insanity. Kenosi the girl she works with. Kenosi is kind and the two work well together. She and Elizabeth share this special ability to grow the gooseberry plant, and make gooseberry jelly. She and Kenosi take pride in their work, and by working together and doing something productive and important together, they share a bond that helps Elizabeth regain her sanity. “The way this woman brought her back to life and reality! (142).” Through this novel, I’ve learned that the support of true friends is absolutely vital, and can conquer anything even insanity.  But all these lessons I’ve learned from these two authors has helped me realize, how to be a responsible citizen of the floating world, and of my personal world as well.

            In the floating world, which is defined by differences, the only thing you can be is open minded. But being a responsible citizen means being introspective. In order to be open minded you must take the time to consider the differences. You must take every new situation and find a middle ground that works for you. You must be true to yourself but respectful to the others around you as well. I’ve also learned that one of the most valuable things you will ever have in life are true friends. And this also applies in the floating world. In the floating world you are constantly changing and doing maintenance on your character, and true friends will support you unconditionally, and help give you the perspectives that you need. True friends know your not perfect, and accept you even when your “under construction.”    

 So here I am, standing in the middle trying to figure out what went wrong; I take a step back, and contemplate. Looking within myself I figure out what to take to heart and what to shrug off. I realize that there will always be differences and that I am not perfect. But I never had any cruel intentions.  I realize I am at fault, but not entirely at fault either. I glance at my sister, foaming at the mouth, ready to annihilate in my honor, and I look at the crowd behind her of friends and family. Friends that support me no matter where I’m at in life, and no matter what changes I’m going through. Friends that do not bail when the going gets rough, friends that help me be the best person I can be, and most importantly love me unconditionally. And then I look at the x-friend sitting smugly; waiting. For what I don’t know. An apology maybe, for me to grovel at her feet and beg her to be my friend again.  And then its all clear to me. The fog evaporates and I know what I must do.  I grab my sister firmly by her raised hackle, join my true friends, and turn around and walk away.